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What If You Didn’t Do It?
June 5, 2026
One week, when I was reeling off the list of everything going on, my therapist paused my frantic spiral and asked a question I still think about: “Okay, what if you didn’t do those things?”
This felt like a ridiculous question! My reaction was, “I have to.”
This was during the pandemic, and I was in a place of massive overwhelm. I was working a lot, raising two small kids, and worried about my family’s health.
The thoughts running in the background sounded like this:
If I don’t do it, no one will.
It’s faster if I just do it myself.
If I can just get some space, I can knock it all out.
That space never came. No matter how hard I wanted it to, I couldn’t get on top of it all.
Ask for a Week
My therapist suggested a small experiment: for one week, take everything I felt I had to do and ask the question about each one.
Reluctantly, I decided to go ahead and try asking myself, “What if I don’t do this?”
For some things, the answer was immediate. The reality is, sometimes you have to do that thing, like go to work.
But a lot of the other answers surprised me.
Some tasks, if I skipped them, would have had no consequence at all. In fact, some had been on my to-do list for so long I decided to just cross them off and see if they bubbled up again.
Some things I was putting extra effort into didn’t matter nearly as much as I’d decided they did. Did the obsessive prep time on the presentation for an internal work meeting make a big difference? No. I could set a reasonable time limit to prep, and then show up with the knowledge I already had inside. Did planning the “coolest” Halloween project for the class party matter? Nope. Showing up was what really mattered to my kids.
Through my experiment, I figured out there were things that weren’t only mine to own. Dinner was a big one. For years, I had become the person who planned and started cooking dinner every night, usually right after frantically wrapping up work by 5:30. My inner chatter said, “It’s bad to have the kids eat too late,” “My husband doesn’t know how to put together a whole meal,” “Remember, you love to cook?”
That last one was particularly tricky. I do love to cook. But, loving something doesn’t mean you want to do it every single night.
One particularly stressful day, I got done at 5:30 and asked myself the question. What if I didn’t make dinner tonight? Then, I made myself a cocktail and went to sip it outside.
About an hour later, my husband wandered out, and the kids did too. They asked, “What’s for dinner?” I simply replied, “I’m tired and I don’t know.”
What happened next? The world didn’t end. I wasn’t declared a horrible mom. Yes, everyone was pretty hungry, but we figured it out. We went inside for “raccoon night,” which means everyone digs through the fridge and freezer for their meal.
By the end of the week, I sorted all my “I have to…” items into 3 piles:
- Required. Some things in life just are required, and that’s okay!
- Optional. Am I obsessing over something that I can just be present for, do a smaller version of, or simply let it wait?
- Not only mine. I can ask for help, share the responsibility, or hand it off to someone else.
My Older, Wiser Self
I think my biggest lesson was this: Just because you believe you have to do it all doesn’t mean you do.
These days, my husband plans and cooks dinner on Monday nights. And, occasionally, he starts dinner prep before 5:30. It’s a small shift, and it started with one honest conversation that has taken a lot of pressure off me.
I also ask myself where I want to invest my time. I have found aligning how I spend my time to my personal values of family, beauty, excellence, growth, and integrity really helps. For example, this past year I bought a watercolor calendar and watercolor with my kids each month.
Over the past few years, I find it easier to show up more confidently for my work, my family, and myself.
Of course, it’s not always perfect. Overwhelm comes back with new challenges, and the question still works when it does. Some weeks, the honest answer is “I have to do all of it.” That’s okay too. At least then I know I’m choosing it, instead of letting my inner voices take over.
A Tiny Experiment
Think: What inner chatter is going on about all the things you have to do in your head?
Try this: For one week, stop and ask, “What if I didn’t do this?” Jot the answers in your notes app, or just ask in your head while you’re making coffee.
Then, sort each one: required, optional, or not only mine.
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